Becoming Kate Beckett
by Mali Bear's Buddy
Summary: An Aussie fangirl finds herself thrust into the middle of her favorite series and into the body of Detective Kate Beckett. Can she help undo some of Kate's mistakes? Spoilers starting at S3's Knockout. A birthday fic for lalaurala-bones.
1. Ch 1: Long Way From Home

**A/N:** Have you met **lalaurala-bones**? For the last 2 years, I've had the pleasure of calling this enchanting, young woman from down-under my friend. It's fitting we begin this month long birthday romp today - Thanksgiving - because she's someone I am thankful to have in my life. This plot bunny is a year in the making and I hope you find it to be a worthy effort. I plan for it to be between 5-10 chapters (my muse is terribly fickle lately) with the final chapter posted on or around 26 December.

Laura - We may be oceans apart, but you're ("Your should be you-apostrophe-R-E as in you are. That's not even a tough one like when to use who or whom." Yeah, I've been watching _way_ too much _Castle_... I'll be darned, I worked in _Double Down_ after all!) a kindred spirit and sister in my heart.

**Disclaimer:** Unbetaed. All mistakes are mine. I don't own _Castle._

Chapter One: Long Way From Home

It had been a long day. Too long. They had been shorthanded at work, so she'd had to stay late. Then she'd gotten a flat tire on the way home - in the rain, no less. Now, her brother and his girlfriend were making too much noise. Again.

Laura slips into her favorite pajamas - the ones with the cherry print that make her smile and think of Beckett - and climbs into bed with her remote. Patting the spot beside her, she encourages her little dog to join her. "Come on then, Fudge. There's a good boy."

Sighing, she settles against the pillows. She knows which disc is in the player and debates changing it. She knows this episode by heart and the ending always makes her cry. Then again, after the day she's had, maybe she needs a good cry. To hit the old reset button and purge the mess from her system.

Giving the dog's soft ears a scratch, she thinks about how much of an impact the show has had on her. The friends she's made. Her escape from the mundane day to day of her life - school, family, work - when things got tough for the familiar feel of the 12th and the loft. How, while she may never pen a best seller like Richard Castle, she's felt the joy of spilling her imagination through her fingerstips and onto the keyboard.

Clicking play, she joins the characters on what she knows will be a emotionally life changing part of their story. As the credits roll she wishes, just this once, for a different outcome...

_~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Castle ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_

Laura feels disoriented. She hopes she's not coming down with something. The warm steam of the shower licks at her face and she drinks it in. For a brief moment, she's giddy thinking about using all the hot water and leaving her brother with lukewarm spray. But she's nice, far too nice sometimes.

Stepping out of the shower and mentally running down the list of all the things she needs to do before uni, things that will bring her one step closer to her beloved _Castle_, she reaches blindly for her towel as she pushes wet hair from her face.

_Oh, God. Where am I?_ she thinks to herself when her hand comes up empty of fluffy terry-cloth. She cries out, "Mum!"

_What the...?_ Her voice is not her own. The accent is distinctly American. Not only that, it's eerily familiar. Racing toward the mirror, she swipes the condensation from the glass and gasps. It's not just her voice that's changed. Her face has, too.

Mouth falling open, Laura stares into the fierce green eyes of Detective Kate Beckett. She touches the face she knows belongs to another woman and watches said eyes widen as her fingers glide over Kate's cheekbone. Looking around the room, she realizes she's not at home. Not _her_ home anyway. She's in Beckett's apartment.

Locating a towel, she wraps it around her body and makes her way out to Kate's bedroom. She's startled by what she sees on the bed - dress blues and a few sheets of handwritten notes.

Her knees hit the hardwood floor, her hand fluttering up to the spot where she knows Beckett will soon have a scar. She swallows the bile rising in her throat. Today isn't what she was expecting. She certainly didn't plan to attend Roy Montgomery's funeral... or to get shot.

Kate's phone rings and Laura jumps as she's shaken from her thoughts. _How did this happen? How was it even possible? _Grabbing the phone, she looks at the screen and contemplates letting it go to voicemail. She knows if she does he'll just keep calling back.

"Need a ride?" he asks.

That voice. That rich, wrap you in a hug with his vocal cords voice. She feels lightheaded. Unsure what to say, she answers, "That would be lovely. Can you come straight away? I need to talk to you."

She flinches at his awkward pause. _What would Kate say?_ "What I mean is..."

"Are you alright, Kate? You seem..."

"Castle!" _There! That's better! It's more Kate._

"I'm on my way," he says softly.

_~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Castle ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_

Laura tucks Kate's hair up and finishes getting dressed. She opens the door at his knock and checks the hall before pulling him inside.

"Whoa!" he laughs trying to make light of the situation. "I know you want me, Kate, but is now really the..."

Her knees go weak. He's even cuter in person than he is on screen. But she isn't Laura. She's Kate. _Now is not the time for a fangirl moment! Get it together!_ "Can it, Castle," she demands, proud of the bite in the words. Crossing her arms, she begins to pace. _How do I explain something I don't understand? The truth, L! Tell him the truth!_

His hand finds her arm and he strokes it with infinite care. "Hey," he says softly. "You know you can tell me anything..."

Laura's brow furrows and she glances up into his steel blue eyes. "I'm afraid, Rick," she uses his given name to make the words hit home, to let him know she's serious. It feels awkward, wrong, to call him anything other than Castle. "I'm afraid something's gonna happen today. Something that will change everything."

Castle sinks to the arm of the sofa, their hands clasped together. "They're gone, Kate. It ended in that hanger. You're safe."

Laura looks down at their linked fingers, admiring how the space between Kate's digits seemed to be made for Castle's hand to hold. Snapping back to what is now her reality, she scolds herself. _Idiot! You can't tell him the truth. What are you thinking? The conspiracy theorist will go crazy!_

"What if I'm not, Castle?" she breathes, her heart quickening. She leans down and brushes her lips tenderly over his forehead as she considers her words carefully. "I'm not ready," she tells him.

Brow knitted in confusion, he searches her eyes and she falters under the intensity of his gaze. "Ready for what, Kate? What are you saying?"

She smiles, trying to force a smile. "It's nothing, I..."

He cups her cheek and can't help but to she lean into his palm. "If it's got you this rattled, it isn't nothing."

"Castle," she says quietly. "Just promise me, okay? Promise me you won't do anything stupid. That you'll wait for me. No matter how long it takes."

"Kate, you're not making any sense..." he says, pulling her closer. "Whatever it is, we'll..."

Laying a finger on his lips, she silences him. "Shhh..." she soothes, brushing her lips to his cheek. "Just promise me."

_~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Castle ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_

Laura goes through the motions. She helps carry Captain Montgomery's coffin. She listens to the service and stands to give Kate's speech. "...And, if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you..."

She stops to look at him. _Castle. It would always be Castle. He's Beckett's someone. _As she draws nearer to the part where she knows it will happen, her chest begins to burn. Little, red dot - the laser sight for a sniper's rifle - aimed right at the center of her chest. She holds her breath at the moment of impact, excruciating pain ripping through her.

"Kate!" Castle's scream fills her ears. He's over her, covering her body in a way she's seen him do countless times. Only this time is different - s_o_ different - and not different in the way she had wanted it to be. "Shh... Kate, please. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me. Please? Stay with me, okay?"

His voice is scared and breathless. Being here? Watching it happen? Feeling the bullet? Seeing his pain? It's a thousand times worse than watching it on television.

She looks up at him, feeling everything Kate felt in that moment and praying she's strong enough to make it. Strong enough to truly become her favorite heroine. Fighting to keep her eyes open as she feels Kate's heart begin to slow, she screams silently in her mind. _No! Not again! Not like this! _

"Kate, I love you... I love you, Kate..."

Drowning. She's drowning - choking - on Kate's blood.

Black. Everything fades to black. The last thing she sees are the tears threatening to spill from his eyes... and, this time, her heart breaks a little more. It shatters beneath the weight of the consequence of knowing Kate's actions. Of knowing the lie that will keep them apart.

Not this time. This time would be different. She'd personally see to it.

If, like Kate, she survives..


	2. Ch 2: Changing the Script

**A/N: **For **lalaurala-bones**. Always.

This is coming together more slowly than I wanted it to due to real life events but, as you keep telling me, it's a way to extend your day into a bigger party. Happy Birthday, dear friend. Thank you for being there for me...

**Spoilers: **_Rise_

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Castle._ Unbetaed. All mistakes are mine.

Chapter Two: Changing the Script

Trauma. A bullet ripping through her chest, causing pain. Unimaginable pain. Not just to her but to Kate's friends and the man who confessed his love for her.

Sirens. Sharp, piercing sounds. They're intermittent, fading like her consciousness.

Voices. Castle's words echoing with perfect clarity in her head. Lanie's plea for her not to leave. The doctors and nurses barking facts and commands. Josh's confusion as he struggles to remain calm and professional.

Light. Brilliant flashes of bright, white light. Light in the ambulance and the hospital hallway. Light calling her home to heaven.

Black. Everything fades to black. It's like swimming, floating in the sea and staring up at the blazing fireball of the sun until your lids are forced to close and shut out the light.

Her mind fights to keep working in the darkness. _What if... What if I never see my family again? What if I'm not strong enough to ensure Kate survives? What if she doesn't make it this time? _

Peace, overwhelming peace. The security of a mother's arms embracing her child. The warmth of a bubble bath, the water lapping at her skin. The perfect quiet that comes when her brother and his girlfriend finally fall asleep.

The whine of the machine next to the gurney is what truly ends all thought. Her worst fear has happened. Just like Kate, she's flatlined.

_~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Castle ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_

Laura's - no, _Kate's_ - eyes flutter open. She draws a shaky breath, her fingers flexing around those that hold her hand. The grip is firm and knowing. She's seen _Rise_ countless times and yet, when she looks into the eyes of the man sitting beside her, they aren't what she's expecting.

Brown. Like rich, melted chocolate, Josh's eyes are brown and puppyish. But the eyes she is expecting aren't brown.

Blue. Somewhere between the vivid shade of a robin's egg and the steely slate of a stormy sky depending on his mood, Richard Castle's eyes are blue. She wonders if Kate expected Castle at her bedside and was surprised to find her boyfriend instead.

"Castle?" the murmur is faint and feather-light. It leaves her parched lips and causes the man beside her to tense.

She tenses, too. She doesn't know how to act around Josh. Doesn't know what to say or do. Doesn't know how to feel.

It's awkward, painfully awkward. He shouldn't be a stranger, but he is. She listens as he calls her partner, telling him she's asking for him. Josh's words are clipped, though he tries to be polite. She wonders if Castle hears the disdain in his voice.

Josh rattles on making small talk and she suffers through his presence, trying to offer smiles at appropriate times. All she can think about is Castle... and how she looks like a hot mess. What she wouldn't give for a mirror and a hairbrush... but she can't ask Josh.

Staring at him, she realizes he's almost too good looking. His hands are too soft and they feel wrong. His gaze is warm and caring... and her stomach churns because all she wants is for him to go away. It isn't the same, it couldn't be following what happened at the funeral. It wouldn't ever be again.

_Had Kate felt that way? Had she wished Josh would just vanish?_

"This bracelet looks good on you," he says, stroking the back of her hand. _Was he kidding? A plastic hospital bracelet? Wait. It's territorial. It makes her part of his world. The hospital is his turf. _"It's not diamonds..."

She ignores the baritone of Josh's voice, her ears perking at the sound of the door. Looking up, she sees him. Partner. Friend. The man who dropped the bomb of his feelings as she lay bleeding out in the cemetery. _Funny,_ Laura thinks to herself as Kate's heart flips in her chest._ That's so them. Missed chances and things that never seemed to go quite right but still ended up perfect._

Laura smiles softly, feeling Kate's cheeks flush a soft pink. "Hey, Castle..."

From the corner of her eye, she can see Josh is crestfallen. The man's smile fades as he releases her hand.

Castle shifts his weight awkwardly, clearly feeling as though he's interrupting. He doesn't move further into the room and Laura wishes like hell she could reach for him.

Josh breaks the uncomfortable silence that stretches between the three of them. Standing, he bends to brush his lips over Kate's forehead. "I'll see you after rounds."

Laura watches Castle stand frozen in place, Josh nearly knocking into him before skirting around. _Why did men have to display such alpha male behavior?_

Finally, he approaches. A soft smile breaking across his face, he speaks softly, "Hey."

"You're staring at me," she answers, touching her forehead. "I must look really bad."

His eyes twinkle, dimples digging into his cheeks. "I just never thought I'd see you again." The way he looks at her - _at Kate_ - makes warmth pool in her belly. It steals her breath and renders her speechless. But she doesn't need words because, like a knight in shining armor, he rescues her. "I heard you were opening a flower store, so I thought I'd pitch in."

She watches him smile again, this time sees it reach his eyes, and waits for him to sit beside her. "They were all here when I woke up. I think they're mostly from the precinct." _Wow. Had Kate felt this awkward? _she wonders, wishing for strength to get to the point. "I don't think I'm gonna live this one down, Castle."

"Oh," he responds with an easy laugh. "Probably not."

The smile on her face is genuine. She feels something, _everything_. For the first time since this whole mess started, she feels hope. Going against the grain, Laura throws caution to the wind and takes a gamble. "You tried to save me."

Stunning, blue hues find hers and hold firmly. "You remember?"

Her fingers creep across the blanket, empty spaces between them filling with his. "Castle," she starts, the words catching in her throat. "I remember everything, including what you said." She pauses in uncertainty. Kate hadn't made this confession, though Laura hoped she might every time the episode played. Kate was guarded. She'd hidden in fear of the confession being brought on by the event. "I don't want you to feel..."

Castle's grip on Kate's hand tightens. "I shouldn't have told you like that," he says almost shyly. _Rick Castle shy? Now there was a sight!_ "I couldn't not tell you how I felt..." he swallows and corrects himself, "How I feel about you, Kate. I know it complicates things and I..."

She cuts him off, pulling him closer. "Are you saying..."

He cups her cheek, looking into the depths of her shimmering, moss-colored eyes. "What I'm saying is I love you, Kate. I love you and I wanna be with you, even if I have to wait."

Laura's mouth goes dry. _Is this the way it could've happened?_ She reaches for him, hands curling around the lapels of his jacket as she urges him to sit on the edge of the bed. He smells crisp and he's so warm.

Anticipation. The shared breath that hangs between almost lovers as they sit on the edge of a kiss. Her lips hover so close to his that she can feel the last time it happened. She tingles at the muscle memory of the kiss she and... _Holy hell... _She has Kate's memories. They're beginning to cloud her own. She can taste him.

Castle's hands glide over her upper arms. "Kate..."

A frustrated sound escapes her. She looks into his eyes - blue, so blue and filled with longing - and feels heat building. "I need time, Castle," she says. What she means is time to end things with Josh. Time to make things right and come to him freely.

But he hears something else. He hears the words of _his_ Kate. The Kate who sent him away for three months. He stands up, turning away and deep down Laura knows he's steeling his heart for the worst. For rejection. "How much time?"

She reaches for his hand, but he's just beyond her reach. "Just time, Castle," she says softly. "Time to make this right."


End file.
